Our House, In the Middle Of The Street
It seems that every neighborhood has one house where teens like to "hang out". I've never thought about what makes a house more "teen friendly" than another, but a recent article in a Canadian Newspaper got me thinking.
According to Dr. Scott Wooding, homes like this aren't as common as you'd think (at least in Canada where he's from, but I'd say the same is true for America). He says that a main factor in having a teen friendly home is the presence of an adult students feel they can communicate with.
This typically means an adult who
- Isn't afraid of them,
- Asks questions about their life, and
- Genuinely listens to the answers.
Maybe the situation is different when it is your kids and you are the parents .. yikes. I hope this doesn't happen to me, I want my kids to hang out at our place with their friends. My son Dax starts middle school next year, we'll see if I turn out to be one of the cool parents ... or not.
What do you think?
Is this a reason you hang out in the homes you do?
Mark
Posted by MarkM on at
10:12 PM
8 Comments:
As a youth worker, I'd say that Dr. Wooding's three points of observastion are dead-on. As much as students can put on the fasad of "Oh, I don't really care", deep-down, they're looking for authenticity.
As for being a "cool" parent, I have to say this... I've seen "cool parents" come and go, but the parents who are themselves (read: real) are oft remembered far more than the supposed cool parents.
yeah that makes sense to me.
Just as long as the parent knows when to let us be and chill. But yeah I think for ths most part this is accurate
If the kids and parent(s) are forced to be in the same area(dinner table, event, sports game on tv, etc.) then the three points are right on, however, kids and teens go to a friend's house to hang out with their friend, not their parents. So, when kids are playing games in the basement or talking up in a room, the parents shouldn't join in on the "fun"; that just makes things awkward.
i find it very hard to communicate w/ my parents so i have found a lot of other adults like youth leaders and teachers from school that i can get adult advice from...i wish their was communication between me and my parents but it seems like every time i would try to talk to my dad or tell him how i felt about something he would always get mad at me so i would avoid talking to him at all...i eventually moved out of my dads and into my gmas...but anyways Mark i have been to a few of your planetwisdom conferences and i just cant see you being an uncool parent! :)
yeah it's hard for me to communicate with my dad.he will say something and then when i go to explain it/answer back he will just get mad at me then i get mad because he wont listen to me. then he always wonders why i cant tell him everything or come talk to him about stuff...hes the only parent in the house because my mom passed away 4 years ago.but i was verrry open with my mom.i dont her everything and i mean everything. but ya know since my dad is well i guy its hard to do that..and i dont get to see my step mom much because well my dad and her are in the process of getting divorced..but i dont have anyone that i can really talk to. i only have about 4 actually friends that i can trust but other than that i can only talk to 3 people at church and i cant always go when i want to =/
but anyways..yesh i have been to 3 of the Planetwisdom conferences and i dont see why someone would think that your a uncool parent.
i think you awesome and honestly i wish you were my dad.
well, i know personally, when i wanna hang with friends, i always go to there place. I have a great family, but things get out of hand sometimes. So i would much rather be NOT home. My parents try to be cool, but they arnt... haha. i think that if you try to be something you arent, then you suck aT it. if you are a real genuine person who is themself, people will like you or dislike you based on that. I agree with kristina. I wish you were my dad too sometimes. :)
Adults that are 'very specific' with the way they like things kept make me nervous. I like a tidy house that doesn't smell like rancid socks, but there is an overboard clean that can happen too. If I am going to a friend's house or a youth pastor's house or anything, I can't relax if I am afraid that the house mom might flip if I move the satin red pillow to the blue couch and use the white one instead because that makes it disorganized. If everything must be kept just so, and if I am very afraid of breaking one of the hundred unwritten rules that should be in some handbook because they are alien, unknown, and hard to remember; then I probably won't be going to that house to do much. I don't consider myself a house wrecker, in fact I consider myself to be genuinely considerate of others houses, but wow, I have met some surburban Moms that probably just shouldn't have had children or pets that make any sort of mess for all the fussing that goes over the furniture and whatnot.
Also, I consider myself to be somewhat smart and very perceptive. If adults try to be the "cool" parents, I generally don't tend to buy it. It's lame to pretend that you're something different. Parents should know that, they tell us that all the time. I have a lot more respect for parents that act normal and are just considerate to visiting friends of their children.
If I like a parent, then I don't mind them asking me personal questions. If they are a critical parent, scrutinizing everything, then I will probably avoid them and give vague answers. So the whole talking thing can go either way.
As for you Mark, you're a pretty cool guy, so I wouldn't be worried. Just make sure you don't overcrowd your kids, give them a bit of space, talk to them if they're in the room (though obviously not if they are in the critical part of a movie, tv show or video game) and I'm sure they'll like you just fine. :)
I agree that if a parent is TRYING to be cool, well, they aren't. Which isn't to say that the parent isn't cool when they're being themselves, but when a parent starts acting like a teenager, and it's abnormal behavior, it kinda tends to freak me out. But I also agree that if a friend's parent(s) is all uptight about everything you do, you don't really want to go to that friend's house very often. I know that when I walk into some houses I walk in, ... and I pretty much just stand there cause I'm not sure if I'm allowed to sit down. And when I do sit down, I'm all, feet flat on the floor, legs smack together, not leaning back (don't want to wrinkle the throw blanket on the back of the couch), hands on my lap, frozen like a statue, and when I'm asked a question, I don't really talk any louder than a whisper. Some people just scare me with how uptight they are.
I believe that a parent should be involved in their kid's life. But at the point where you can't walk from your room to the kitchen without your parent wanting to know what you were up to, that's just insane. My parents have done a remarkable job with raising me and my 5 siblings, though I'm not claiming to be a saint, in fact, I was just recently grounded for reasons I'll keep to myself. But as for being involved in our lives, they've got just the right amount of time invested. And though we're all sneaky enough to get away with things, our parents have also instilled in us a VERY strong conscience and an overwhelming since of guilt so that even if we DID get away with something, it would get to us and eventually we'd spill the beans.
But Mark, I don't think you have any worries about being a "cool" parent, I've talked to you before though you probably don't remember me and you spoke to me as your equal and gave me some awesome advice, what teenager wouldn't want to hang out at your house?
P.S. though you probably don't remember me from the Planet Wisdom Conference at Irving Bible Church on the weekend of Feb.22-23, thanks for praying for me. It all worked out O.K. with my boyfriend and my parents.
God Bless.
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