All Boys Want Is …
The only thing boys are interested in is ...
How did you finish the sentence? If the word you used to finish it rhymed with ‘sects’ a new study may convince you otherwise. (I use ‘sects’ so this will not get banned from any censoring filters).
Let’s face it, ALL teenagers are thinking about ‘sects’ more than they did when they were in grade school, but we’ve often thought of boys as being interested in this one thing only. Most movies geared toward your generation (American Pie, Superbad, etc) seem to emphasize this too, as if it were a fact. When I think about my own years in high school ... that wasn’t true of me. I had relationships on the brain (not just ‘sects’). Apparently the same is still true.
Sadly, I don’t think we give boys a chance. Nobody ever seems to want to discuss how to have meaningful relationships with us boys… we are kind of left to figure it out ourselves. Most of us will grow up lonely too, even in marriage. We need to be able to talk about more than football, the weather and our jobs. High school is the perfect time to start working on these relational skills.
Some people think all of the boys taking this survey are liars, but I highly doubt it. God created us to crave intimacy (which is much greater than the desire for ‘sects’).
What do you think? Is this survey right or wrong?
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment,
Mark
How did you finish the sentence? If the word you used to finish it rhymed with ‘sects’ a new study may convince you otherwise. (I use ‘sects’ so this will not get banned from any censoring filters).
According to the New York Times: The report, published in this month’s Journal of Adolescence, paints a far different picture of teen boys than the stereotype of testosterone-fueled youth. Psychology researchers from the State University of New York at Oswego surveyed 105 10th-grade boys whose average age was about 16.
The boys were asked their reasons for dating and were allowed to mark more than one answer. Notably, being physically attracted to someone wasn’t the primary motivation they gave for dating. More than 80 percent of the boys noted “I really liked the person.'’ Physical attraction and wanting to get to know someone better were the second most popular answers.
“Let’s give boys more credit,'’ said study author Andrew Smiler, an assistant professor of psychology at the university. “Although some of them are just looking for ‘sects’, most boys are looking for a relationship. The kids we know mostly aren’t like this horrible stereotype. They are generally interested in dating and getting to know their partners.'’
Let’s face it, ALL teenagers are thinking about ‘sects’ more than they did when they were in grade school, but we’ve often thought of boys as being interested in this one thing only. Most movies geared toward your generation (American Pie, Superbad, etc) seem to emphasize this too, as if it were a fact. When I think about my own years in high school ... that wasn’t true of me. I had relationships on the brain (not just ‘sects’). Apparently the same is still true.
Sadly, I don’t think we give boys a chance. Nobody ever seems to want to discuss how to have meaningful relationships with us boys… we are kind of left to figure it out ourselves. Most of us will grow up lonely too, even in marriage. We need to be able to talk about more than football, the weather and our jobs. High school is the perfect time to start working on these relational skills.
Some people think all of the boys taking this survey are liars, but I highly doubt it. God created us to crave intimacy (which is much greater than the desire for ‘sects’).
What do you think? Is this survey right or wrong?
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment,
Mark
Posted by MarkM on at
8:46 AM
16 Comments:
Working with youth in our church, I have much the same impression as is left by the survey. Not that guys are unresponsive to situational stimuli. And not that they don't become very interested very quickly when enough of the wrong influences overwhelm them. Just that the crew of young guys I have worked with don't have sects as their leading focus.
I believe the survey is correct in the guys initial longing for dating. However the problem with "sects" occurs not so much in the initial attraction or longing but in the time the student is alone with the girl, the times where the guy is forced to fight the temptation. This is where many student fail, and where even the best intentioned students find themselves in a very difficult situation.
i belive that this is true.as i am a youth of that age and im not looking just for esects.
Another bit of truth found waiting underneath an unturned rock. I'm 21, i am a guy, yes sects has a tendency to find its way into my head but that does not satisfy my involuntary need for intimacy. The Media has burned its brand into the forehead of the male teen stereotype and so the first thing people see is "horn dog". God gave me musical talent early in my life and i succeeded in it. After playing shows in my local area i met a girl and asked her what sort of person did i look like. (Mind you i am a Christian and still a virgin to this day.) She said she would have expected me to ask her to come with me to the bathroom and do exactly what young guys get branded for wanting. Being in a Christian band had nothing to do with it!! Physical Passion can NEVER replace an intimate relationship, intimate being multi faceted of the Physical,Psychological,Emotional,Spiritual.
Think about how God created us, if our circulatory system is so complex, wouldnt it make sense that the build of our relationships be equally complex, not just Sex. Not just commitment...but a grand spectrum of things like a symphony in its grandure of notes and instruments?
this can be true.
but for some of the guys at my school... this is all they think about.
While I agree 100% with the evidence and your conclusions drawn from it, 105 out of however many million high school boys we've got right now isn't a very convincing sample size.
It is great to have some information against the common stereo-type. Although I am a girl and will never really know for sure- I am sure that guys arent thinking about this every 18-21 seconds. It is good to now have statistics against those.
It really frustrates me when people stereo-type guys in this manner. I am getting ready to go to college, and the 'college guy' stereo-type is far less than ideal. I understand that there are a lot of guys that do only think about sex. But I realize that not ALL guys are like that. God created us all different, meaning we can't look at someone who sheds bad light and say that every guy is the same, because they're not! And for someone to say that these guys were lying when they took the survey... that just proves that they have serious blinders on. They need to look around and realize that there are tons of guys who prefer true relationships over sex. And maybe its just because they, themselves, have had bad experiences...but they shouldn't take it out on the good guys in this world. I agree with Mark...give them a chance, they deserve it.
I think girls now are much more sexual then the boys are. They hear from the media that all boys want is sex and like girls to look a certain way, and before you know it, girls are compromising their morals and you have fifteen year olds in miniskirts and cleavage baring tops. I don't think a woman of any age should dress like this, but definately not someone under 18.
Girls talk about sex, sexual partners, compare how far each other has gone, just as much as I think any guy I know would do with his guy friends. Just the difference is that men are 'supposed' to act that way because they are 'pimps' or 'macks' but girls are 'whores' or 'skanks'.
I probably just set off the filter.
I'm not 16, but I think 18 counts for something. It's the same temptation, but almost worse in my eyes. I need companionship. That meaning; I need to have that special someone close to me or just a phone call away. I have a hard time with life when I'm on my own. I know that Jesus is always with me, but I've found its a pretty one way conversation with the Big Guy. I love my girlfriend with all my heart and soul and always will, she could rip my heart out and I would still love her. That has been my downfall many a time.
I'm not sure where this is going.
I guess I'm trying what I'm trying to say is that I have had 'sects' before marriage and I love my girlfriend immensly. 'Sects' is not all I think about though. In fact before it happened we both promised to make sure that our relationship didn't become just about "the act." It hasn't and neither of us would let that happen, we love eachother too much too lose eachother (if that made sense).
I believe in love when many my age and many people in general do not. I believe in love and I am... we are in love. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world.
My husband and I work with the youth at our church, and I find that this article/blog is so true. The majority of the time, when one of our boys come to talk to us about a relationship related issue, it's usually the guys who are really into the girl, wanting that deep connection/relationship. And then, what usually happens is the girl breaks his heart. I think this is when something clicks in the boys head that says, "don't get close again. you'll only get hurt". And then they become that stereo-typical boy that the world thinks they are. One of the things I try to remind my guys is NOT to become the stereo-typical guy, no matter what comes out of their relationships...no matter what hurt they have been through. To be the guy that the Lord made them - loving, caring, considerate. One of the verses I like to give them is Jeremiah 29:11...they may not understand why they are going through that rough time, but God has great plans for their lives - sometimes even better than we could have even desired ourselves!
i loved reading this. everyone thinks sex is all guys think about. it not (i dont think) its basiclly oppiste. i read a blog that girls think about sex 3x's more a day than guys do. its all a big stereotype, thats not tru. its nice to c others feel the same way, :)
I think that this is true in some guys, but not all. And the fact that this is only a handful of guys out of millions, isn't very supportive. One person pointed out that girls also think about 'sects'. Who knows, maybe even just as much as guys do. In today's society, it's expected that guys think about it a lot, but when girls do, we're labeled as skanks, and sluts, and it really isn't fair to either party. Yes, a lot of guys do think about 'sects'. A LOT. But not all guys. And for those few who don't, they need to be able to have a chance. It's just the way the secular world is, the way celebrities are, that generate how people think and are supposed to act. That doesn't mean we have to follow it. For the good strong christian guys out there, and even for the ones that aren't but still don't want *only* 'sects' in a relationship, good for you. Don't change. You don't know how much girls out there look for that in guys.
As far as unChristian guys go, I have met a lot of them that are fairly kind and decent, though they do not hold 'sects' sacred and will have it somewhat casually in their relationships. It is not necessarily the reason for them to start dating a girl, but I think integral for many of them.
As far as Christian guys go, I'm not quite sure. They are a mixed bunch in many different places in their walk.
As a rule, I am just avoiding all relationships for now, because I know I am not strong enough if I were ever tempted. I know that to preserve my virginity I must keep myself away from temptation at the moment until I am in a more stable state of a 'less' hormonal mind.
I agree with Mark. A lot of guys probably think about it every once in a while but their world doesn't revolve around it. Give them a chance. And if you date a guy and he is just looking for that then dump him ASAP. We're only teens and we don't need to be doing that kind of stuff quite yet.
I appreciate the time that you put into this. i really do. but when i did a survey a couple days ago, just with a couple boys in my class, the top anwser was not the same. can u guess what it was? not what you're thinking. it was that they really wanted to get to know the person. You thought i was geting at "sects", but i have believed that and all other girls should. thanks for helping us out Mark!!!
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