Five Proverbs for Siblings

Maybe your house is different than mine was growing up. Maybe you and your sibs all get along perfectly, never trading angry words, never blaming each other for your poor choices, never inventing new ways of pushing his/her buttons. If so, what’s wrong with you? I mean, way to go.

If, however, you experience the normal ups and downs of most sibling relationships, consider these wise words from Proverbs 12.

In fact, you may never have a better opportunity in your whole life to practice wise living with other humans than you do with the most annoying, most inescapable, most smarter-than-you-ever-thought-possible people on the planet: your own brother(s) and/or sister(s).

“The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” (Proverbs 12:15)

Normal human beings are almost always sure we’re smarter than our brothers and sisters. It’s no wonder we don’t listen to their advice. Proverbs is clear, though, that one trait of fools is doing it “their own way” without ever hearing other ideas.

Remember, listening to advice is not the same as actually doing whatever your sib says. But listening to advice is a skill that takes practice. Practice on your sibs! That’s what they’re there for.

“A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” (v. 16)

The writer must have been thinking of a brother or sister when he wrote this one. Most siblings insult each other creatively and with great enthusiasm. Want to learn prudence? Try stubbornly refusing to let your sibs see how annoyed you are. Practice overlooking insults. For one, that’s wise living. For another, you’ll take all the fun out of it for them.

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (v. 18)

Human beings say terrible, mean things to each other. The words that hurt the worst are the ones the come from those we care about the most. And, let’s be honest, we do care what our brothers and/or sisters think about us. And even if they don’t show it, they care what you think of them.

Your words can hurt them. You can probably think of a time when you said something in the heat of the moment and were shocked by how hurt the other person looked. You can never take those words back, but you can learn to wisely use your words to heal instead of hurt. Saying kind things to your brothers and sisters (on purpose!) is a great place to start.

“There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace.” (v. 20)

One of the highest callings for Christians is that we become peacemakers. The person who can learn to promote peace between wounded siblings (especially if he or she is one of them) is on the path to becoming a truly impressive mediator. Bonus: You will experience great joy.

Notice the first part of the verse: God hates lying. Fools tell lies. If you want to be a great, foolish liar your whole life, learn how to lie to your siblings. If you’re already lying to (or about) your siblings, chances are you’ll build on that habit for life.

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” (v. 25)

Even if you don’t always like them, you probably know your sibs about as well as anyone does. You can tell when they’re worried, right? This proverb calls you to notice when your brother(s)/sister(s) are anxious and be ready to deliver some kind words. Of course, you’ll have to be paying attention a little bit to pull that off.

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Remember, wisdom doesn’t just happen. It requires changes in your heart and lots of practice. And the best practice comes from changing your heart toward the people who live under your own roof. I can hear some of you saying, “But you don’t know my brother!” Or, “This won’t work with my sister!”

Here’s the deal: The worse your relationship is with your sibling, the more wisdom you’ll gain from practicing these proverbs with him or her. If you get along too well, these will be too easy. You won’t really have to change. But if you have days where you can’t stand each other, you’re going to grow huge wisdom by working on these five proverbs from Proverbs 12.