Lying to Parents

This article from New York Magazine is way long, but it's full of cool research on why and how kids and teens lie to their parents -- even students who say they they believe lying is wrong. One of the conclusions of the article is that kids learn to lie from their parents as a way of avoiding conflict.

The article nails one reason teens lie -- and why parents let lying and other rebellion slide. They just don't feel like fighting.

Forty-six percent of the mothers rated their arguments as being destructive to their relationships with their teens. Being challenged was stressful, chaotic, and (in their perception) disrespectful. The more frequently they fought, and the more intense the fights were, the more the mother rated the fighting as harmful. But only 23 percent of the adolescents felt that their arguments were destructive. Far more believed that fighting strengthened their relationship with their mothers. . . . “They saw fighting as a way to see their parents in a new way, as a result of hearing their mother’s point of view be articulated.”

In the Bible, God clearly (really clearly) tells us both not to lie and to give honor to our parents. But in most relationships, it's possible to bring up a point of conflict without being disrespectful. If the choice is between lying to get what we want and rolling up our sleeves for one more tough conversation (if mom and/or dad is willing), a little honest conflict is the only right option. Isn't it? (Don't just tell me what I want to hear.)

(HT: Evangelical Outpost)